WHAT IS THIS!!!!!!!!

[Longsally]

Does everyone remember when kids used to fight it out amongst themselves? We now have our first official neighbor problem!!!!!
here is what happenned.....I was at work.....ADHD son aged 9 outside playing with friends....2 kids ( 9 year old girl and 12 yo brother) ride bikes up from back of subdivision and start playing with my son and 2 neighbor kids....girl starts calling my son names and telling him to shut up. Son gets mad and tells girl to stop and she won't so son hits girl. brother then decides to defend sister and starts pushing my son ( who is considerably smaller) and my son kicks and hits boy. The 2 leave stating they are going to tell their mother.

mother then shows up and husband answers door. Woman is yelling and my husband states that if their child hits mine ( brother) that he should expect to be hit back ( brother was crying his eyes out at the door). My son states that the girl hit him first anyway so in the end, hubby says they should make up and go out to play and the woman states " we are going to have issues" and then points at my son and tells her son that next time, she doesnt care " watever it takes" she says to get my son and walks away.

Hubby yells after her " have a nice day" and closes the door. I say, my child was playing in front of his home and this other child came over. If she doesnt want the kids together, she should keep her kids in the back of the subdivision. What is this? I would NEVER have gone to someones house like that!!! I would hjave simply told my kids to stay away. of course, the mother believed everything that came out of her sons mouth like it was covered in gold and he probably shoots sunlight out of his butt as well!!!

[john72ss]

she says whatever it takes to get your son??? tell your son to stay away from them1 they obviously have issues, and its not with your family!

[Bob]

People get very defensive about their kids and seldom consider basic neighbor etiquette when they hear a story from their kids about another kid hitting them. I say this because, while agreeing she should never have said "whatever it takes," she's clearly concerned for her kids' safety. I'm not saying she's right about her assertions, assumptions, or threats.

Longsally, is your household otherwise on any speaking terms with that household? I'm concerned that this issue might be resolvable, and deserves some work, rather than dismissing the person as a Neighbor From Hell. Tell me if I'm wrong. I'm not there.

[Longsally]

I do not know these people or their children. I know that I moved into a small subdivision with only 99 homes total. I know that this same boy told my son on the bus several months ago that I was a fat pig. I dismissed the comments because I know it is being made by a child. My child, being adhd, gets bullied plenty and has a lot of problems but I centainly do not go around to other peoples homes and start the kind of crap and say the things this woman said. I think that qualifies her as a NFH. Thank god I live in the front of the subdivision and she lives in the back!!

[Bob]

But you're still going to encounter one another and your kids are bound to engage one another (they ride the same bus). That's why I ask if there's any shot at discussing the situation. You know better than most that the general public doesn't understand ADHD, and isn't looking to get educated.

I'm not saying anyone should take crap from anyone else; I do believe many neighbor disputes are resolvable, and this struck me as having potential. When each side feels victimized, I sense a path to resolution.

[34garden]

Yeah - I would try to approach to discuss anyway. You have nothing to lose. If she turns out to be a NFH - oh well, your fears are verified then to stay FAR away. Just don't say anything you will regret if it gets heated - it could be used against you in the future. And NFH (if they are) have a way of making you completely lose your cool.

[Longsally]

well, we had a HOA meeting and she was there and would not even LOOK at me unless she was sneering. I do stand over 6 feet tall and she is about 5'4. guess she is too scared to say something to me.

[Bob]

Dirty looks cut deep until we accept the concept of not being liked by some people. Embrace being disliked when you are prepared to stand up for yourself. Nonetheless, I hope there's the possibility of resolution that I sensed.

[xyz]

I agree with 34, approach & try to talk it out before it gets any bigger anyway, at least you will have tried & will know for sure if she is a true NFH or not. The HOA meeting would have been an excellent place to approach, public with witnesses..."Excuse me, I'd like to discuss your son's behavior..."...oh well.

[Longsally]

well, the kids have been back in the front and when my son went to play with his friends, the 2 of them ( brother and sister ) were there and said to my son " its all your fault that we arent allowed to play here with you here anymore" and they left. OH WELL...he said and he went to play with his friends while those 2 went home alone. Children who dont take responsibility for their actions and parents who believe every word that comes from their kids mouths piss me off. Anyway, this weekend alone I had over 10 kids in my driveway playing and this woman passed by atleast 2 times. Her kids were at home alone. She should have approached differently but after my last house and what happenned, I am NOT backing up and I support my child.

[Bob]

Perhaps she'll come around. If she approaches you to make amends, are you open?

[xyz]

Perhaps she'll come around. If she approaches you to make amends, are you open?

Why bother, she's already shown her true colors by telling her kid to kick Sal's kids ass rather than try to sort things out. If this blew over there would just be something else she'd fly off the handle over. Who needs that knee jerk drama garbage in their lives?

[malgorium]

Children who dont take responsibility for their actions and parents who believe every word that comes from their kids mouths piss me off.

Amen. As a high school teacher, I agree with you 100%. Even though some of the kids I have are nightmares, I feel bad for most of them because it's not their fault they were raised to believe that they could do whatever they want and have their parents back them up and excuse them. The really sad part is once those kids have kids of their own, they'll probably be raised the same way.

I saw it firsthand with my idiot neighbor and his drumming son. He just couldn't comprehend how other units wouldn't want to share in the drumming prowess of his own flesh and blood.

As an aside though, I was in my bedroom folding clothes when I overheard my neighbor talking to some woman (my window was open), so I couldn't help but eavesdrop for a bit. I couldn't make out 100% of the conversation, but I did hear them talking about inspections, escrow, properties to look at, etc., so I surmised that he was talking to his realtor and that maybe they're moving out soon?? Gosh I hope so!

[Longsally]

well, I have always made sure things were fair btween kids and ALWAYS made my child apologize when he did something wrong. As a result, he never stood up for himself and was becoming a target. Now, even if the kids dont like him or want to play with him, they leave him alone cause they know he will fight back. Thank you for the support xyz and malgorium....my point EXACTLY!@!!! DO NOT come to my home and tell at my husband and tell your son to beat mine up and then I am supposed to be trying to work it out? uuuummmmmmmm........NO.

[renegade]

Does everyone remember when kids used to fight it out amongst themselves? We now have our first official neighbor problem!!!!!
here is what happenned.....I was at work.....ADHD son aged 9 outside playing with friends....2 kids ( 9 year old girl and 12 yo brother) ride bikes up from back of subdivision and start playing with my son and 2 neighbor kids....girl starts calling my son names and telling him to shut up. Son gets mad and tells girl to stop and she won't so son hits girl. brother then decides to defend sister and starts pushing my son ( who is considerably smaller) and my son kicks and hits boy. The 2 leave stating they are going to tell their mother.
mother then shows up and husband answers door. Woman is yelling and my husband states that if their child hits mine ( brother) that he should expect to be hit back ( brother was crying his eyes out at the door). My son states that the girl hit him first anyway so in the end, hubby says they should make up and go out to play and the woman states " we are going to have issues" and then points at my son and tells her son that next time, she doesnt care " watever it takes" she says to get my son and walks away.
Hubby yells after her " have a nice day" and closes the door. I say, my child was playing in front of his home and this other child came over. If she doesnt want the kids together, she should keep her kids in the back of the subdivision. What is this? I would NEVER have gone to someones house like that!!! I would hjave simply told my kids to stay away. of course, the mother believed everything that came out of her sons mouth like it was covered in gold and he probably shoots sunlight out of his butt as well!!!

This may get me banned from the board, but I waited this long to respond because I have a HUGE problem responding when angry, and your post really ticked me off; so I didn't want to "post in anger".
You say that the 9 year old girl and 12 yo brother started playing with your son and two other children. The nine year old girl started calling your son names. Whatever happened to "Sticks and stones"? The simple fact is that your son got mad at the name calling and HIT the girl. NOT ACCEPTABLE!
First off, your husband, being at home, should have been monitoring your child's outside play. Second, if your son was so upset by the name calling, he should have gone inside (and maybe told dad what was happening (much what the other children did with their parents)).
The brother of the girl was only responding and defending his sister to YOUR son having struck her.
The fact that you need to bring up the aspect of your son having ADHD means that your husband DEFINITELY should have been monitoring your son.
I don't buy into this whole ADHD excuse (and I'm sorry if I piss off anyone with this judgment). My now best friend up here tried using the ADHD as an excuse for an incident (long before we became friends) for her sons behavior to me and my kids (ironically we became the best of friends).

The way I look down to it is simple:
1) you've got kids playing in your yard (unattended)
2) girl calls your son "names"
3) your son says "shut up"
4) girl doesn't and continues "name calling"
5) YOUR son HITS girl

Sorry, I have no sympathy for your son, or you. You're lucky in this sue happy age that the parents of the girl didn't sue you.
As I said, I may be banned from the board for this, but I call them as I see them. Your son was in the wrong!!!

[Longsally]

ok Renegade: here are my thoughts:

1. You should not be banned for posting your opinion. This board is about different points of view and you are entitled to yours
2. The major problem here is not that this child called my son names and then the brother went to 'defend" his sister ( even though he is in middle school and my child is a 3rd grade elementary student). The problem is that even though the entire thing was witnessed by the other children that were present, the 2 involved stated that they did not call names, did not hit my son etc and lied and their mom was stupid enough to believe everything that they said, even after the other children backed up my son with the series of events.
3. ADHD is a verifiable medical condition and as such, he acts much younger than his age and gets picked on a lot. My child was repeatedly assaulted last year cause we told him to 'tell the teacher", "speak to adults", etc and it got him no where!!!!! This year, as the kids are hitting him and calling him names, he is fighting back and as a result of this, he has not been assaulted or picked on once. I am sorry that you feel a almost 10 year old should be monitored at all times but it is not the case.
4. My children do NOT go through the subdivision by themselves unattended. My children play right out front of my home in my driveway. Those children were unattended by their parent and were on bicycles riding freely throughout the area. My child has the right to play in front of where he lives without fear of being abused verbally or physically.

Now, with all of that said, I still feel that the mother coming to my home, screaming at my husband in front of her children and mine and telling her son to kick my sons butt when he has the chance was not appropriate.....sorry again if we disagree.

[Bob]

Thank you both for this lively and yet reasonable discourse. Example to us all.

[Longsally]

well, I like renegade and I agree with MOST of her posts, teehee

[Bob]

We're all in this together.